MINDFUL MOTHERHOOD: A NARRATIVE RESEARCH OF A MOTHER RAISING A SPECIAL NEEDS CHILD

Abstract

Background and Objective: Human learned the world and all perspectives originally from their parents, and for that parenting impacted their offspring undeniably. On the contrary, raising a child was the path for parents' internal growth as though. The researchers had grown up with a strong intention to be a mother, and found later that being a mother was not a beautiful life as imagined before since her son was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. That resulted in internal and external conflicts in her daily life, which of course, was the sufferings for her. The researchers tried to heal those sufferings by looking for ways of self-inquiry, and then discovered the Master of Arts Program in Contemplative Education, offered by the Contemplative Education Center, Mahidol University. She had many opportunities to explore herself with various processes, which mainly based on mindfulness practice. This research was executed to study the path of personal transformation towards the researchers' self-awareness practices as mindful motherhood. Methodology: In this qualitative research, the researchers adopted the "First-person research" paradigm by using narrative inquiry as methodology. The data were collected from various documents such as personal journal, written diaries for kids, assignments in the Contemplative Education Program, as well as pictures and poems, which could have related to some memories. The data were examined consciously by the researchers' observer eyes, as the only key informant in this first-person research. Context comprehensive was employed as data analysis. Mindful and contemplative practices, Satipaṭṭhāna were employed throughout the research process. Main Results: From this study, the researchers found that her standpoint of being a mother originated from her misconception of being a suffering child in the past. The process of this mindful investigation led to her understanding on the mechanism of how her mind cooked these sufferings, hence she was freed from the identification with thoughts. She acquired a new understanding of her childhood in the past that resulted in a new perspective of her motherhood at present. Having realized this, she was aware of her self-worth which was unnecessary embedding with her motherhood status as before. The result of this mindful investigation process made the researchers capable to accept the situations, either positive or negative experiences, with non-judgmental and non-striving manners. It also transformed her from exaggerated egoism to faith in living life congruently, both internally and among relationships with others. She had more comprehensive understanding on living in here and now, which helped disentangle sufferings from running back and forth (In the past and the future) as before. Involvement to Buddhadhamma: This research article was involved in Applied Buddhism and categorized within "Buddhism and the Development of Wisdom and Morality with Buddhism" by applying Satipaṭṭhāna practices, both in formal daily practice and in daily routine activities throughout the day of a mother who was suffering from difficulties in raising her child. For Satipaṭṭhāna formal practicing, the researchers engaged in Kāyānupassanā Satipaṭṭhāna (Contemplation of the body). For Satipaṭṭhāna in daily routine practicing, the researchers feasibly executed Kāyānupassanā (Contemplation of the body), Vedanānupassanā (Contemplation of the feelings), Cittānupassanā (Contemplation of the mind), and Dhammānupassanā (Contemplation of mind objects) in daily life. Conclusions: Along the path of mindful motherhood, practicing Satipaṭṭhāna encouraged the researchers to perceive her life experiences firmly without fluctuation to those positive and negative sensations. This brought in the non-intellectually developed wisdom that the researchers gained a new comprehensive understanding on the basis of minimizing exaggerated egoism, hence establishing faith in living with trust in Dhammas.